John 12:3-6 KJV
Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment. Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, which should betray him, Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor? This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein.
We have all heard the phrase
“The elephant in the room”
the elephant in the roomphrase of elephant
a major problem or controversial issue that is obviously present but avoided as a subject for discussion because it is more comfortable to do so.“they’ve steadfastly ignored the elephant in the room: the ever-growing debt burden on graduates”
It refers to an issue or a problem not being dealt with. It can be a long time family secret, or a problem everyone knows about but never speaks of.
The problem with an uncared for “elephant” though. is that it can create quite a mess in our life and in the lives of those we love.
Some elephants grow so big they need community involvement and then things can get really ugly.
In this lesson we will learn that Jesus and the disciples had an “elephant in the room” an elephant that didn’t seem to be addressed by the group – Jesus knew of it of course – and he dealt with it in very unique way. We will see what he did and how he handled the elephant later in this study.
So… let’s start off with the study of the elephant in the room … first we need to acknowledge there is an elephant in the room.
Most of us, for some reason or another, fear of what others might say about our elephant(s). We fear that they might judge us harshly or worse yet, pity us. The strange thing is that everyone has elephants – big ones, small ones, nasty ones, dangerous ones – we all have elephants.
The elephant isn’t the problem – not dealing with it is!
1) Acknowledging the existence of the elephants is the first step in dealing with them properly.
As human beings we are much more gracious towards others than towards ourselves, some people, myself included, have made a life time career out of beating up on ourselves when we make mistakes, or perceive that we have failed ourselves, our family or the Lord in some way.
Start by cutting yourself some slack, the elephant has probably been there for some time, so minister grace first to yourself and forgive yourself for letting the elephant have so much of of your time and attention yet at the same time not truly being dealt with.
2) Ministering grace and forgiveness is the second step in dealing with elephants properly.
You can’t diaper an elephant with a doily – no matter how much you want to.
You can get the elephant to lie down, get all the things you need like a washcloth, the powder, the pins and the doily, but I guarantee you,.. you won’t get the results you will be looking for,
You will exhaust yourself wrestling with the elephant – when you are finished the results will not be pleasant either – the doily will fail it’s intended use!
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Let’s take our scripture verse for an example – it was well known that Judas had a problem with finances, and it led to him being a thief. Yet, Jesus and the disciples, even knowing that fact, let him look after the money?
Figure that?
Unfortunately, we don’t see where Peter or John spoke to Judas about the problem, we never hear of the disciples trying to help Judas. It was just an elephant in the room that no one dealt with, a character flaw in Judas that unfortunately would become his undoing.
So elephants in the room need to be dealt with, they are important – they can have eternal consequences when not dealt with properly.
So face the fear, acknowledge there is a problem that needs dealt with – the problem is yours, you have let this issue create something negative in your life.
When you realize that you along with the help of the Lord, can fix the problem, ie manage the elephant there is a great deal of freedom and peace that comes with that knowledge.
The Lord will help, and encourage, and bring people into your life that will help, if you allow him.
Don’t play the blame game – you can’t blame others, you can’t even blame the elephant, and don’t defeat yourself by blaming yourself for what you “should have done” or “could have done”.
Start fresh where you are now.
You also can’t worry about what others might think or say. There will always be people who will want to bring you down or who want to make you suffer, distance yourself from those people and instead surround yourself with those who will make you accountable to the Lord, yourself and to others. People who will, with love and courage. help you face the elephant and deal with it.
3) Speak the truth and face the fear this is the third step in dealing with elephants properly.
You know the elephant is there, it has been a source of pain for years, but what you might not know is, “What kind of elephant it is?”.
We all think we know what the issue is and try to fix it ourselves – so, I’m going to ask a hard question,
“How has that been working for you?”
Right – so lets try a different approach…
Get some help, friends, family, a Pastor. look to others to help you pray and find the resources you need to deal with the elephant.
Dealing with the elephant, especially if you have been living with it for a while, can be difficult but certainly not impossible. The main thing is not to make the situation worse by ignoring or neglecting the issue. A sick elephant just gets worse and worse and eventually dies, and then there is a BIG mess to clean up.
Feelings, emotions, people, relationships. job losses, mental health issues, illness you name it, an elephant not cared for is a negative situation waiting to explode!
Best to deal with it now.
Contact your pastor as soon as possible, speak openly and honestly about the issue.
With their help – create a plan of action.
Your pastor has a unique position, they can pray, they can refer you to others professionals as needed, and they can support you and also give you a place for accountability.
4) Deal with the elephant, create a plan of action, this is the fourth step in dealing with elephants properly.
The joy that comes from dealing with issues and gaining personal victory and growth can’t be expressed enough.
I have seen people overcome addictions, marriage problems, alcoholism, career issues, bitterness, anger issues and more all starting with just one thing – recognizing the problem and taking the courageous step to correct it, find ways to endure it or fix it.
Going back to our scripture we see that Judas had an issue that was never addressed, by himself or anyone else, and the issue with money led him to sell out the Lord and led to his own suicide. Tragic in the extreme.
We also know from scripture that Jesus knew of the issue and knew what it would do to him and even knowing all that he loved Judas to the end calling him friend. In this case Jesus knew that to manage this “elephant ” the plan of action was to endure and to keep loving, and give Judas the space and right to make his own choices and mistakes. There are times when we can’t always fix the elephant in the room because the source may not always be us, but we can respond as a Christian to the issue.
This is where a compassionate, knowledgeable Pastor along with supportive praying friends can help the most.
(Matthew 26:47-50)
47 And while he yet spake, lo, Judas, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people.
48 Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast.
49 And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him.
50 And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus and took him.
So – let’s deal with the elephant…let’s not allow the elephant to be the source of pain and hardship it has been in the past…
Identify your elephants:
Is it fear or some other negative emotion taking over your life?
Is it negative peer pressure or social shaming keeping you from doing what you feel to do i.e. water baptism?
Is it not being able to stand against the issues of life?
Is it a situation you have to endure because of circumstances like a poor marriage or a spouse that is difficult to live with?
Is it a family issue that you just can’t seem to over come?
Is it an addiction, habit or character flaw you want to be free from.
Elephants can exhaust you and steal your joy, your peace, your contentment and your very soul if you let them, but worse still is trying to deal with an elephant by yourself. Surround your self with support, proper support, because without proper support(s) in place you will be like the person trying to diaper an elephant with a doily, exhausted and messy with a very poor outcome.
Let us pray for the courage to address the elephant (s) in the room and for the courage to reach out for help and support.
God Bless
Jesus said –“Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
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